So I have a confession to make.

I have to be honest. Isn’t that what the internet’s all about? Honesty and presenting oneself in a truthful manner? I mean, what’s the world coming to when people start lying on the internet? Am I right? Am I right?

I digress. My confession is this: That last post wasn’t really a blog post. It was an email I actually sent to my email buddy. She said it was funny, so I archived it, thinking it might come in handy one day. Then like six days later I got canned. Then a month later I decided to start a blog. And then another month went by and I actually started a blog. So it’s a good thing I held on to it.

Anyway, my point is that I removed my relationship status from Facebook shortly after the banner ads started pimping celebrities in hopes of getting me to join their crappy dating sites. Without any sort of relationship label assigned to my profile, it’s like Facebook advertisers don’t know what to do with me. “Okay, so she’s female. Mid-twenties. Uhhh...."

Apparently being 25 qualifies me for some free Uggs. I have no idea why my age makes me a candidate for complementary boots that are ugly as sin (full disclosure: I already own two pairs and despite the fact that they look like someone wrapped puff pastry around my feet and ankles, they’re warm and I love them). Also, no matter what time of day I stumble upon this ad (what? So I spend a lot of time on Facebook. I’m unemployed, lay off me.), there are always 4 minutes remaining on the offer. Always.



Other assumptions made by Facebook advertisers once I removed “single” from my profile and failed to replace it with anything else:

- I must be a single mother looking for a $10k grant. Also, I must enjoy staring at banner ads of pregnant women. (I am not and I can assure you, I most certainly do not.)

- I should probably become a fan of the SIU Alumni Association. (Alumni status not required, apparently.)

- I'm a pretty lady and should totes play Sorority Life. (Is the mid-twenties set really the one they want to go after? That makes me sad. Almost as sad as the girl from my high school whose Sorority Life updates show up in my newsfeed regularly. Yikes.)

- I must be in debt. (Have to love the picture though.)

- If I can’t find someone new to have a relationship status with, I should probably just go crawling back to my old boyfriend. (I'm not sure what they mean by "post notes at their old houses and hangouts," but it would appear that Facebook is crossing the threshold from online stalking to real life stalking.)

Oh Facebook. How you know me so well.

Questions for another time: if your relationship status is “it’s complicated,” what kind of ads do they throw at you? Tips to keep your man? Self-help books to the tune of, “You’re too good for him anyway”? Ugg boots?